Cocaine is God's Way of Punishing You When You Have Too Much Money

You spend your entire life thinking you are nothing like your parents while simultaneously trying to figure out how it's possible you are a combination of their genes. Then slowly, as you start to pay your own bills, establish your adulthood and form a friendship with them they begin to let down their parental shields and open up a John Malcovitch portal into their brain and you realize, FUCK ME, we are the same. THEN i imagine you spend the rest of your life watching in horror as you slowly become their doppleganger.

Maybe the avalanche doesn't really happen until you have your own children and you catch yourself saying things you swore as a youth you would NEVER do..but I must tell you, my parents continue to surprise and shock me even thirty years after I met them.

This story, told to me as we were washing the plates after Friday night dinner FLOORED me. I always knew my dad was a bit of a rebel without a cause, but this story takes place in the beginning of the 70's where he was a Lawyer working for a part of the Government was all about ethics and regulations! Makes sense. I got it from my poppa.

Good for him. If I god forbid get tricked by my apparent ticking time bomb judas ovaries into having one of those babies everyone keeps raving about, these are the kind of parents I would want to be.

This is my main issue with parenthood, the parents all seem to turn into zombie 28 days later hosts for the new lifeforce. I can totally see why creating a mini me and filling it with all the information I felt like my parents never taught me would have some curb appeal. But it turns out being a parent is so darn difficult, just keeping them alive its a gosh darn miracle let alone actually make them cool and socially adjusted with good taste in music and a good heart. I don't know.

So anyway never mind my rambling, another testament to how much I love my parents and how much fun it always is to learn new things about who they are and where they came from