I recently got a hidden microphone. I had to, because in order to record myself embarrassing my amazing mother I had to be more discreet, she's "on to me" so she thinks! So after a beautiful night walking through the wintery streets of the West Village, red wine, laughter, and PG fun at the Barrow Theatre I tricked my mom and aunt into checking out "Fantasy World" the 24 hour full on sex store on West 4th. She just kept picking stuff up and showing them to me like a cat that presents a dead mouse on your doorstep, with equal amounts sheepishness and pride. She literally couldn't believe the pandoras box available to pleasure seekers.
As she's recently on the dating scene, I thought it would be a good idea to get her equipped for her next J date. I love my mom, and once again I'm sorry. I promised I wasn't recording. I was lying. I love you. I'm getting you that penis jello mold for passover.