You'll Have To Pry It From My Cold Dead Fingers...

Gun Control is a sticky, tricky, very bad no good topic and I feel like we're up to our necks in quicksand and the NRA and special interest groups are shoveling my sand in our face as we try to dig ourselves free.

I grew up with a bunch of Jews reading books, who could barely hook up a VCR to the TV if their life depended on it, let alone kill a deer, so far be it from me to understand the kind of mentality one would have to need to protect the right to personally own something that can kill.

I don't like guns because I am the kind of nit wit who would accidentally remove herself from the gene pool by shooting herself, and end up looking like Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her. Listen, I get it, they're sexy, and they make your clit tingle just a lil bit, but that doesn't mean I think that anyone should have them. I'm not going to even toss my hat in the ring and voice my opinion more than say they scare me and I think that any kind of automatic ANYTHING should be off the market and carry heavy penalities in a Federal Pound You in the Ass prison if you get caught dealing or buying one.

Anyhoo I met Desert John, a semi permanent resident of Slab City the first day I arrived at the Midnight Riders Bike Gang Orgy of Explosions and Fire festival (this is not the name but a very accurate description).

Desert John is a wonderful, warm, endearing god fearing Jesus loving man who just so happens to have 45 guns with him at all times. He also drives a mad max Dune Buggy and looks like he's an extra from Tombstone. He rocks. The second day of the festival he took me and a bunch of adorable young Israeli's who had accidentally stumbled upon this gathering (they were just trying to go camping) to the "gun range" which was literally just a wide stretch of sand with 1000 spray paint cans set up to blow up with giant black powder powered civil war muskets.

Crazily, when we got there was a whole crew of dudes who were also there to practice their ENORMOUS GIANT TERRIBLY SCARY storm trooper lookin 308 custom built assault rifles and a KRISS Vector 9 mm semi automatic recoil suppression rifles and naturally I sauntered up to them with my microphone and

As per usual, I got to talking to them about why they loved these weapons so very much, and if in fact it was to correct for having a small impotent penis...I'm smart. Always good to insult the guys with the very largest gun who has literally matched his whole outfit and accessories to the colors of his gun that could take down a TREX.

Listen, I'm all about protecting fundamental rights, but fuck this one. But lets be honest, I have motivation for learning how to shoot guns because I am painfully aware that when the next civil war comes, all the liberal loser pansies like me are going to become the sex slaves of the new red neck overlords, THAT IS unless we get our own guns and know how to use them. So I'm starting to train now. Duh, logic. You're welcome intellectuals. When shit hits the fan come find me, I will be Lara Croft levels of ready.

I want to say a HUGE thank you to Desert John who we will hear more from in a later episode. Also a huge thank you to Brendon Burke my dear friend for always taking me on great adventures.

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New episodes from The Iboga Wellness Center start next month and until then I have MORE Slab City for you, Hurray!!!