ART BASEL: Go to Art Basel So Russian Prostitutes Can See How Your Dictates


I don't get it. I consider myself to be a relatively educated human. I have strong opinions, I went to a bunch of schools i've read a bunch of books...BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND the art world. But then again, who am I to judge?

It seems to me to be a big fixed operation where a bunch of jerk off rich assholes decide what art should be valuable just like they do in the stock market, call each other up on the iPhone 7's they already have from 43,000 feet while they eat seal carpaccio in their gulf streams and laugh like Mortimer and Randolph Duke dreaming of their Scrooge Mcduck vaults of gold and riches.

All the art I loved was cheap, all the art I hated was so expensive I kept thinking it was a joke. Piles of garbage, literal animal carcasses, stuff that looked like it was made by a serial killer in an insane asylum with his own excrement. I found it really challenging. So I spent most of my art basel asking people why and how this has happened.

Here's what I've learned - NOTHING. It's all just a big circle jerk of short rich guys and their ballon lipped girlfriends/prostitutes

However I did manage to talk to some really funny people and ruffle the feathers of quite a few gallerists and I may have found Miami's next great rap superstar.